By Alli Sinclair
As a mother of two young children, I’m always
interested in how parenting styles vary from family to family, culture to
culture, and country to country. I’ve been lucky enough to visit friends with
kids in various parts of the world and along the way I’ve observed a myriad of
parenting styles. Some methods have appealed so much I’ve adopted them into my
own style of parenting and so far, the results have been pretty good!
From the moment most people announce their
pregnancy, people flock to give advice—whether the pregnant woman wants it or
not. The same goes when the children arrive into the big ol’ world. In-laws,
old men, cousins, aunties, strangers… everyone has something to say about the
way you are interacting with your child. Sometimes the advice is helpful, but
most of the time, it’s just someone trying to shove their opinion down your
throat (yes, yes, this is a touchy subject with me!).
For the same reason, I’m not one to run to a
parenting book every time a challenging situation arises. I tend to take a more
organic approach and run with intuition and assess the situation and the
individual child as to what outcome I am aiming for. But I did find a very good
parenting book called How Eskimos Keep
Their Babies Warm by Mei-Ling Hopgood. I honestly had a hard time putting it
down.
Mei-Ling covers many cultures and interviews
anthropologists, educators, and child-care experts and even tests out some of
the theories on her lively toddler, with some pretty amazing results. Her narrative
is non-judgmental, something that is not always seen in parenting books.
Here are some examples of what Mei-Ling discovered:
Argentina
This one I can vouch for and it amazed me even before
I was a mother. In Argentina, it’s not uncommon to find young children dining
with their families close to midnight, or attending a wedding and dancing until
two in the morning. Seriously. I could never understand how the young ‘uns
could function the next day, but they do. Toddlers tend to sleep in later than North
American children, and sleep experts say that as long as children are getting
the required amount of sleep for their age, late nights are not a big deal. The
other bonus is children who socialize at functions from a young age adapt
better to new social situations as they grow older.
France
Food… ah, one of the great joys of life but as a
busy mum, it can be difficult to prepare interesting meals the kids will
actually eat without a fuss. I’ve always been keen on exposing our kids to a
variety of food from many cultures, and luckily, the kids have been (mostly)
pretty keen to at least give it a go. We do have a rule in our house that it’s
okay not to like a food, but you have to try it at least once (and the French
chef in the book thinks the same way with his kids). According to Mei-Ling,
it’s not unusual for French children to have duck or asparagus in their lunch
box, and they tend to drink water rather than fruit juice.
Polynesian
Islands
This one takes community caring to a new level.
Siblings, cousins, and family friends, form a group to take care of the younger
children. We’re not talking adults here. For example, in a group of 10 people,
there might be four children between the ages of eight and twelve, and they
look after the other children who might range in age from two to seven. The
older children prepare food, change nappies, supervise, play games… all things
an adult normally does. Meanwhile, the parents are free to go and do the tasks
that are needed to keep the community fed, such as fishing or farming fresh
fruit or vegetables.
Japan
Duking it out doesn’t sound like an ideal way of
handling a situation where two children are fighting, but in Japan teachers
sometimes turn a blind eye (unless it gets really out of hand). The theory is
the children learn to handle a situation without having to resort to a third
party (a parent or teacher). Now this may go against the beliefs of many
parents out there, but I can see how people believe this theory has value. It
took me a while as a parent to work out that when two young children are
fighting (arguing, not punching!) that the situation dissipates much faster
than when an adult gets involved. As for the physical side of sorting something
out… well… I’m not sure what to think about that, but it seems to work well in
the Japanese culture.
Mexico
In small towns in the Yucatán (as with many parts
of the world), young children are involved in daily chores. A child of two may
help his mother with the washing or collecting fruit and this involvement helps
the child build confidence and know they can contribute in a meaningful
way—something that is so important for all of us to feel, including little
ones. I know sometimes I tend to do chores by myself because honestly, it’s
just easier, but when my kids show an interest in helping, I slow myself down
and allow them to get involved, even if I’m busting to get the job done. The
look of joy on their faces when they complete a task really is wonderful and
reminds me this is all part of their growing and learning and sense of
self-worth.
In our house, we like to embrace ways from many
cultures and Mei-Ling Hopgood’s book is an excellent resource to see how it’s
done elsewhere. Not all of the methods will appeal to all readers, but that’s
the beauty of this world and experiencing so many cultures. We can adopt the
methods that work for us and our children, and ignore the ones that don’t
appeal—all the while maintaining a healthy respect that everyone is different
and that’s what makes the world a pretty amazing place.
As we have such an array of readers from many
cultures, it would be lovely to learn about any parenting styles you’ve grown
up with or have adapted.
What a fascinating book, Alli! Even for someone without kids. The Argentines have a similar view toward child rearing as Iranians, I think. They also bring their kids to those late night dinner parties. They just borrow a bed or a corner of the floor and the little tykes sleep until it's time to go home.
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